the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
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