I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Randomize