3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
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