I will die if light touches me.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
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