Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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