I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
