Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Randomize
