I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
Randomize
