Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize