he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
