Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Randomize
