Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
Are my feet made of real feet?
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
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