A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
This baby is an asshole
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Randomize
