I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
Randomize
