Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
Can you bring me the toilet please
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
Randomize
