I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
My ATM looks so different sober.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
try to milk me bitch
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Randomize
