Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
you win again, gameday.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
