I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
