i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
