I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
The feeling are messing with the penis
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Randomize
