She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
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