I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
