we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Randomize
