I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
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