He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
Randomize
