didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
