Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
