dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
