Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
