Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
