I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
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