Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
