Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
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