he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
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