So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
Your cock deserves a montage
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
