I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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