Michael Bay diarrhea
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
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