Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
You need a sexual gate keeper
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
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