Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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