why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
Randomize
