I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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