you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
