It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Randomize
