so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Randomize
