went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
so let's talk penis.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Randomize
