if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
you are never too drunk for berry picking
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Randomize
