he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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