yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Randomize
