and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
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