You can't motorboat a personality
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
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