the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
