Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
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