My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
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