Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
