I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize
