I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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