Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
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