Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
Randomize
