So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Randomize
