I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
Randomize
