After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Randomize
