I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
