he wants to bone in the snuggie
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Randomize
