okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
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