sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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