i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
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