is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Randomize
